I actually have another blog post in the cue, another wordy one with all the things I was feeling last week about the coming new year and then I have about a thousand other ideas in the brain. But here’s the deal. I needed to write tonight because my chest is tight, and anxiety feels high. I have learned that one of the best things that I can do is write, and that if my past experience continues, my words usually resonate with someone so here it goes.

In the post I have already written but haven’t yet shared (because the pictures aren’t quite right, and the quotes aren’t perfect yet) I talk about why my 2016 wasn’t my favorite, but that it was better than my 2015, and that I am believing that 2017 is going to be awesome.

And it IS. It IS going to be awesome. I believe that. But here’s the kicker that just kind of karate-chopped me in the gut after the excitement of Christmas came to a grinding halt when the kiddos went to bed. In the quiet it hit me. 2017 is going to be as awesome as I make it. And I don’t feel READY yet. But you know what? That doesn’t change anything at all. Me being not ready doesn’t make Jan 1st any further away…I can’t change that, but I can change ME.

The last month has been filled with lots of great things, doing healthy things for my body and mind, spending time to make my family healthy, getting ready for Christmas and doing not so fun business and legal paperwork. All great (or necessary) things. All on the way to what I want. BUT I don’t have my 2017 goal sheets (Power Sheets) done….or started…. I already have great things planned for the year, but they need to be launched and moved forward and I wanted to start the year all organized and set up for success and well, here I am 5 days out and sitting on the couch feeling panicked.

I know that 2017 will only be different if I choose to let it be but what I think I am feeling panicked about at this very moment is that I am not ready to start 2017 having it all together. I haven’t found some magical solution to give me more hours in the day, or the ability to be patient with my children in all circumstances, or to do all the things I want to just perfectly. I haven’t kicked sugar (to be honest its not actually in my goals yet, I am totally not in the commit stage there yet…) or even sent out my Christmas cards. When I look at it that way I am NOT READY FOR 2017!!! I am simply not there!!! However, when I remember that my worth is not determined by how many things I do, how much money I make or how organized my house is it simmers me down a little bit. Making 2017 amazing doesn’t mean that Jan 1st all of my ducks will be in a row. (If I go in expecting that, I will be HUGELY disappointed.)

Have you ever heard the saying: “Start the way you want to finish.” ? That’s my plan. If I start chipping away at things, a little at a time, I will get there. But just like it didn’t take me a week to gain 30lbs, I won’t lose it that quickly. And my house didn’t become disorganized in one day (though….I can’t actually remember it ever being really organized either…) I plan to start each day with optimism and hope, living towards the life that I want while being thankful for the beautiful moments and experiences that I have every day.

My mom used to have a sign up in her office that said “Attitude is a little thing that makes a BIG difference”. It has stuck with me, and I am determined to keep a good attitude about 2017.

The pressure is off. I don’t need to strive for perfection. It’s been a rocky couple of years, and 2016 isn’t going to be perfect either. But I am going to continue on the path of faith, family and health, and expect great things from myself this year. Here is what my heart tells me that I want to do.

• Make the people in my life feel as special and loved as they are. My parents, husband, children, siblings, friends, wedding clients, families I photograph. I want this year, no matter how many shoots I do, for my clients to feel SPECIAL. They so very much are, but this past couple of years I know that I have been more in survive than thrive mode. I want the people in my life to know how special they are. I want, no matter how busy I am (which is something I have learned that I in fact control!) for my family to feel like my first priority.
• Do the same thing for myself. I need to treat myself like I matter (because I DO matter). I have found the most valuable way for me to process whether I am taking care of myself well, is whether I would want Addy and Finn to do/say something (or not do/say something). Would it make me happy if someone was being mean to Addy and she didn’t stand up for herself? Would I be ok with Finn not having a winter coat because “he could probably just layer up for this year and find something next year”? Would I be ok with them beating themselves up for making a mistake? Or would I let them eat ice cream every night? Um, heck no and a half. When I think about it, this measuring stick proves to be very useful, and also reminds me that I am a really great mom.
• Nurture my creative self. I don’t want to get so stuck in doing something right that I don’t try anything new. II want to play again, and get out and do creative things that I haven’t done before and give myself room and time to colour, paint, journal, design, take photographs (for fun!) and dance. I really want to dance. And learn, and grow! See now I am getting excited for 2017 again!

Just as an FYI my heart rate, sitting here at my computer is at 100BPM So obviously the words haven’t quite done it yet. Going to take a Pause.

Just did some deep breathing and a few minutes in prayer and now, now I am down to 70BPM.

I am so thankful for the tools that I have learned this year, and can’t wait to learn more and share more in 2017.

I am planning to take a few hours on Thursday to set goals and make plans for 2017. Anyone else with me?

Oh what a roller coaster my brain can be. Such fun! lol!