Eeeekk, the Truth of It All.

Is pretty simple.

I am not nearly as willing to be vulnerable as I thought.

It’s easy for me to post when I have something that I am “supposed” to post, or something that I have promised someone I would post. But when it comes to just posting what is in my heart, I have been kind of crummy… I probably have about twenty posts started, and then I chicken out. With no “pressing need” to post, I just, don’t.

And I need to change that. I want to post what’s in my heart and share it well. But sometimes it’s scary. Well always scary. Scarier than I thought it would be.

But I didn’t start blogging again to just share pretty things. I wanted to be real, and honest. So here I am. This is where I am at today, right now…

I am sitting at my mom’s house in Florida, and feeling torn about how I want to spend my time here. The last two times I came to Florida I needed to just rest. I took breaks, I laid down a lot, but that was about it. I mean I played with the kids, but headaches and dizzy took over a lot of the time. And this year I feel better. Not 100% better, but today I was able to be present with the kids, exercise, play, run errands, and still end up with just a wee headache mid-day.

So here’s the thing. I usually have a plan. I know that I planned to be active, do some media and marketing work. And that was the extent of my plan. But then I feel like it would be a waste not to use this time to work on my body. But then I just want to be able to enjoy being here. But is it possible to enjoy WHILE counting points? Seems like too much work for vacation… but then this is a month, more than a typical vacation. And this leads me to the post I started on where I am in terms of weight loss. On the wish want commit scale side of things (I’ll actually be sharing that soon…) I think I am still firmly in the want stage… it just doesn’t seem to be a priority for me right now. Being healthy in general is pretty good.

And I’m watching This is Us, sitting next to my Mamma, thinking this is kind of a silly thing to post. Yet, here I am, this is me, I am hitting “send’ (well its actually “publish”)

Promise I will be back soon.